Man! Last week was horrible due to my anxiety and depression from the previous week. Twice last week I started work late, because I was too depressed from following week to pay attention to my new work schedule. Then on top of that, I messed up on one of my client’s work schedule. Ugh! How could I? Usually, I have a pretty good memory and I am on top of things. However, when I am depressed (which can last for days) it distorts my memory. Also when I am depressed while working, I feel like I’m on autopilot. Like, I just want focus all my energy to get through the day, so I can go home and be on my bed.
In my previous post, I mentioned was taking a pill for my depression and it helped me deal with its symptoms. Thank goodness! However, in the week after depression I guess “went away”, my anxiety came in. Last week I was worried about a ton of things: if I’d lose my job due to messing up me and my client’s schedule, going back to school, taking my upcoming exam, family problems, what I was going to eat at night, and where I was going to shop for my groceries. I also was worried about my parking spot at my apartment complex. I never had the time to actually read the notice (due to my depression). I basically skimmed through the note and it stated that the parking lots were going to be repaved at 7:00a.m. dot. And if cars were not moved at that time, they would be towed. So the next day, I woke early to move my car. However, as I was frantically approaching my car, I noticed something…none of the other cars had moved. I turned around and returned to my home. I then reread the notice and it said the complex opposite from where I lived was going to have their parking lots repaved. Er! I swear my anxiety makes me so scatterbrained!
Sometimes, I want to tell my supervisor about my mental illness, but I am worried. What if they fired me? Though, I do wish I had someone at work who had my back in this. It’s hard dealing with a mental illness by myself at work. At least when I am off from work, I have resources at home to help me and I have my family to lean on. But at work…I have nothing, no one to help me. Nothing at all.