Day: July 4, 2015

Adventures in CBT II

Oi, sessions in therapy are getting harder and harder. It’s like my therapist is working on not just my mind, but my heart. At most times of the therapy, I want to cry; there is just so much pain, frustration and loneliness within me. There are times I want to walk out of the room. There was one session where my therapist wanted me to reveal my real fears. However as I revealed them, he felt as if they were scripted.

“How?”

“I don’t know,” My therapist said. “It just didn’t feel real to me.”

“Why is it?” I asked him.

“I don’t know.” He said. At that point I didn’t know if he didn’t know either or he knew, but he wanted me to figure it out.

Okay, so I struggle telling people my feelings, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t real. There are people who “show” their feelings, but yet they don’t mean it.

“Look, they are real,” I said defensively. “It’s just until now I have just discovered them.”

Then I realized what he was trying to say…

“Ah…I guess I come out cold and distant.” I said.

“Cold and distant.” He said. “That’s a good one.”

“I speak my feelings, but when do so I am detached and speak of them “from a distance.”” I said.

I have to admit after my therapy session, I felt little shaky, but strangely I felt better and lighter. Though I still felt like I got the wind kicked out me. I was so tired when arrived to my home, but I was able sleep well at night.

Therapy sessions are challenging, but if they weren’t what would have been the purpose of going to therapy? The therapist is on your side, they are just going into the parts of you, you won’t like. The good thing about therapy is that you’re not going through all those dark memories and fears alone. Like any other change in life, it won’t be comfortable and/or convenient; but it will be worth it. However, it can become a little easier to go through the challenges when you have people along the way to help you.