Goodbye 2015! It’s Been A Pleasure! 😄👋🏾

Time came and went! I can’t believe it! Not too long ago I was in a bad place with myself mentally. Although it has been years since I’ve been involved in family drama, obviously its past events have taken a huge toll on my mental health along with the other spheres of my life (e.g. relationships, work, and school). I felt like a bystander of my own life seeing myself come apart due to the stressors of everyday of life or the dysfunctions of my family at home. I displayed bouts of irritation, hopeless, melancholy, and fatigue. People either thought I emotionally immature or a lazy person with low motivation or I was crazy. But I was none of things. Unfortunately by brain was in control, not me. Yet despite this, I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself…I wanted to help myself, but in noticing this I also realized I couldn’t do this alone…I needed help.

I have been fortunate that I had a good support group:

My Psychiatrist

She has been very helpful during my recovery. She didn’t just treat me like a patient but a person. She didn’t just give me prescriptions, she gave additional support out of my visits with her which would speed my recovery leading to….

My Therapist

Damn, he was tough on me! So much to the point I cried. But nonetheless I continued, because I believed in myself and in my recovery process. I wasn’t just only able to bring the walls of my heart down, but disrupt the negative congnitive thoughts that have long stunted my mental and emotional growth. I was able to learn…

1. To Accept My Roaming Thoughts. I had thoughts that would rummage across my mind and drive me crazy! But I’ve learned to accept them and now I have better control.
2. To Accept My Emotions. I always felt that by accepting them it would make me weak or insecure or selfish. Though through my sessions, I have learned they don’t make me feel any of that…they make me human. Then again (ironically), by not being aware and/or denying my emotions they make me weak, insecure, and/or selfish. Go figure.
3. Being Honest With Myself. No longer am I denying my feelings, stuffing them in the deep basement of my heart. Nowdays, I am more honest with myself.
4. Reduce Black or White Thinking. I don’t have so much of that any more. When I do however, I tell myself to hold back those thoughts, because I don’t know if it’s true.
5. Mindfulness. No longer do I not know how to manage my anxiety. It’s now instinctively, I know how to manage them whether is through meditation or through activities like coloring, journaling, or excercising

As great as my session were alas I completed my session a couple days ago. But as I concluded my final session, I felt more empowered to overcome my anxiety, not for my anxiety to overcome me. And if it does…I will do it again, because I know I’ve done it before.

My Friend

I don’t have many friends, but fortunately I have one friend that has been very good to me. Look I don’t care about the quanity of friends as I do the quality. I’ve had many friends in the past, but there were those who did not build me up and it is a must, must to have one can build and cheer you up. After I found my diagnosis, I have to admit I was terrified to tell her. I have had people who have told me my whole life I was weird or ask me why I was weird and would stop talking to me all together. But deep inside of myself—and with the help of my therapist—told me to tell her. And I did and you know what? She has been very accepting of me! I feel very happy and safe, because it makes me feel she’s a true friend. I hope we will be good friends for many years.

My Fellow Bloggers and Readers

I am the kind of person who doesn’t like to tell people of my business and/or problems in person. So, I have no idea what possessed me to do this via social media. I mean seriously, why do something online, that I wouldn’t do in-person? Though what inspired me was

1. Reading blog site on mental illness

The same day I found out about my illness, I began doing further research about them. And I’d run into blog sites who would tell their stories and as I read them, I could relate to them…I felt my struggles and pains were finally validated through those who lived through them. This was great! Why? Well for one, it’s hard to find stories about Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression in bookstores. And two, these experiences were very candid and raw and it really drew me not just to them, but to myself. So, then I too decided to blog in hopes to inspire others like myself to stay strong and courageous in their recovery to mental health.

1. I’ve always wanted to write/publish a story, whether fiction or an autobiography of my life

Also by having to readers reading my blog, it felt encouraging because I feel I am not alone in my trials of recovery and that my feeling are accepted and verified. I am glad to have “met” my fellow readers and bloggers and have in their stories and messages in turn. It makes me think…why can’t the real world be like this?😕

Last but not least….

My Family

They have been an amazing support system, regardless of how many times we have bumped heads with one another. They want me to be myself and be the best that I can be. They may not always understand me, but they love me. And that’s okay. I love them so much! We have been through hell together and we have come out of it together and let me just say I am proud to have them part of my life.

So, these are all the people I am happy to have been and will be part of my support system during 2015! I hope to continue some of these relationship through the incoming New Year. And who knows? Maybe I will build and model similar relationships in 2016!

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