As this comic stated being in love and having depression sucks! I mean, you have to overcome the negative thoughts caused by depression. You pray that the aura of depression won’t come between you and the person your dating… I mean the last guy I dated said my energy was different—like I was uneasy. Though I think it had more to deal with how attracted he was to me and how I was really into him. Maybe a little bit was my anxiety disorder. Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t work. I ended it because of his impatience and disrespect toward me as we dated. I was disappointed he was not the guy be over the phone. He came off as thoughtful, open, understanding, supportive…I mean he’d call all the time and text me… For the first time, I felt safe and possibly loved by a guy and I felt I could love a guy I was attracted too and liked. But I had to end it, cause it was just a ruse in order to scratch his damn ego. Also I didn’t like how some deadbeat thought he was too good for him. I mean he didn’t even have a job !
I really hated the fact I felt tricked and had my inner dreams used against me for some dude’s selfish intentions. Not to mention I felt I went against my better judgements. I wanted to believe he was trying to look for work as he told me but that was a ruse too… I know I should be proud of myself for walking out. I only dated him for like a month and a half, but I still felt like a fool. I became even more depressed ’cause I really liked this guy thinking he was a stud, when he was really a dud the whole time. Damn depression! Due to a breakup on top of clinical depression sucks a$$! Here I am thinking, how could allow that to happen to me, will this happen again, would I be careful, did my depression/anxiety aura spook him off, and will a guy like me regardless of my illness?
Right now I am just taking it easy, off the dating market, forgiving myself, recover from the depression from the breakup, while dealing with my clinical depression/anxiety, going to work and school and spending it with the people who genually care about me. Despite living with a disorder, I believe I will one day a guy will find me will care for me the way more other guy claimed he could and mean it this time.