Remember from previous article I talked about how my mental illnesses were affect my job? Well the last straw was about month ago and I had to leave so it would mess up again in the original department I worked in. So, I got transferred to a different department. I’ve been there for about three weeks and it’s been good! It is kind of functions like the previous department, but with more support. I have more colleagues to ask for help, whereas in the original department I was alone. My colleagues would always advise me to use my work phone to call them, but I am not use to calling for help. Hell, I am not just use to asking for help at all!
When living with anxiety and depression one and/or both things happen: I’m either feeling too low to even think of asking for help or I’m too overwhelmed to ask for help. In either case, help is the last thing on my mind. But I can’t live on that forever! I got responsibilities up to the wazoo (or at least it feels like that way) and I need away to afford my medications. Anyways, I’ve come to discover that even though especially when I’m depressed I don’t want anyone around, yet…there’s a part of me does, especially when I need help. I know…it’s kinda a crappy situation, but it’s something I am trying to fight past. I don’t want depression to think it can have me and have my life.
Despite the move away from my original department, I am happy the way things ended up. Well for one, I have noticed my depression has decreased slightly. At the previous department, I tended to get more depressed and anxious when I kinda got bored. Well not because I did not like the job, but just whenever I had “downtime” (reason being I had to very, very tentative) I would tend to wonder off…into my thoughts and that’s not good. Now —this reason leads to number two—- I am in a place that always keeps me busy, without becoming too stressful. Number three, I no longer have to drive place to place anymore! In my old department, I had to travel a lot and cause me anxiety. However now, I only have to be in well…in this department. And lastly, I get off a little earlier in this department and the hours are consistently stable. The hours at my previous department were always different and I had to always adjust which took a toll on me. Also I came out later from my job, which meant I had to deal with traffic where I would build stress which then would lead me to take very, very long break before going back to my studies. Now, I can rest on time which leads to more study time! If only I thought of this sooner, instead of my health being the cause for the change
In conclusion, I am starting to heal up right because of the decreasing depression and anxiety. The change has allowed me to divert my energy in my recovery process. I mean…I catch myself washing my dishes again—which I usually did in three days— a lot sooner, cleaning my house, read a book (which I missed doing so much), and well…blogging. The progress has been slow and of course dealing the mood swings has been tedious, but I am happy where I am going.