Always Keep Fighting 41

Mental Illness, in this case depression, affects anyone no matter what walk of life you come from.



One thought on “Always Keep Fighting 41

  1. Dear Ezi and all!

    Let me share my story. Right now I’m near the end of recovering from my third episode of depression. I’m on medication and I am at present working 50 % but more about this later.

    My first episode of depression I had 2005-2006 and it was triggered by our oldest daughter’s problematic situation at school. I was on sick-leave for months without any improvement. At last I got medication with Mirtazapin and it was like giving water to a dry flower. I recovered very fast and was soon back to work!

    During the spring of 2012 I noticed that my mood was gradually sinking and when I began crying, even in the morning on my way to work I started with Mirtazapin again and wasn’t off work for a single day. (I’m a medical doctor so I prescribed Mirtazapin myself.)

    This time 2016 has been different. While on Mirtazapin(!) my mood sank gradually and I started to get a permanent lump of anxiety in my chest. I felt totally alone, unloved and generally failed. Intellectually I understood that this was not the case, but than I blamed myself for feeling so bad. When I realized that I was unable to work I told all my co-workers, during a meeting, about my condition and it was an emotional moment. It was very well received and I got full understanding and support from everyone. There was a lot of tears and hugs. This time I have been totally open to everyone, even my patients, about my illness.
    This time I couldn’t treat myself so I went to see another doctor, much my junior, and she first changed my medication to Venlafaxin and later to Duloxetin.
    Long story short: The first thing that improved was my general mood, but I had still my anxiety lump in my chest. When this disappeared I noticed that I had cognitive and executive problems. I had no tolerance to stress and multitasking. When my brain worked again properly I had another problem, and still have some left of. I am very tired in the afternoons and I have a need for rest and sleep not only in the afternoons but I have the need for some hours more sleep in the nights. My tiredness is slowly fading away and next month I will probably increase my working hours to 75 % of my full time.

    I am very lucky in all this.
    I have more understanding for other people in similar situations.
    I can intellectually handle my depression as I can understand that my emotions and dark thoughts are hijacked by my disease, and are not my own real emotions..
    I am blessed with a very good sleep. To be depressed and unable to sleep must be a torture…
    Last but not least, I have my family, my friends, my faith, my church, my job with my wonderful co-workers and patients and above all, God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit always with me until I’m home for real,

    Thanks for your attention

    Lennart Wennberg


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