Finally Winter Break!!!

Man, oh man does it feel good to be on break! It has been hell of a semester. Due to family problems at home, I had leave my student-teaching site. The thing was, I need that experience for two of my other classes that I had to right papers for. So, I had to find a school I could volunteer in so I can could use them for my classes. Fortunately, through my job as a substitute teacher, I was able to find a class I could observe (it took awhile). Due to the rapport I developed with the teacher and her students as a substitute, I was able to use my time as a volunteer for two of my classes. And let me tell you being a volunteer for that classroom has been an enlightening experience I never could have expected to have. I mean, I have gained more experience as a volunteer, than a substitute teacher. And don’t even let me start on my student-teaching experience. As short as it was, I wasn’t able to learn what I need to be even an effective student-teacher. Although, I was told I didn’t have enough experience in teaching, in my mind I was like, “Well, duh.” I attended the teaching credential program in order to acquire more experiences and skills to be a teacher. I can’t get it as an instructional aid. Ugh. That fricken’ catch-22 man…

The unfortunate thing was that I found the class I volunteered before the week of thanksgiving break and despite my efforts, I was unable to finish 3 out of 5 paper I had (I am combining them with both of my classes). I mean, the papers were papers I could have easily got an “A” on. I tried man, I tried. My efforts only made my cold last longer. I have told my teachers about my family, physical, financial problems, so they are aware. But I am so mad that I allowed those things get the best of me! I should be above those things! However as my boyfriend says, “I can’t expect be Wonder Woman”. Yeah that’s true but I feel like I have to. I have so many things weighting me down, I can’t make excuses for my life’s circumstances. He then also reminded me everything I have underwent this year: sexual assault, losing my apartment, the worsening of my mental health, financial problems…. I completely forgot those things. The thing is even though I sweep my problems under the rug—so to speak— they indirectly affect me in many ways. Ways I wouldn’t think they would affect me. My boyfriend then suggested that I should take a semester off to recovery emotionally and financially. Let me give you some examples: I have had time to process my sexual assault situation and having to take time to build my finances and pay off my bank loan (I used it for school almost done with it) and pay off my last car note that will be in the summer. I need time to heal and the process especially from my sexual assault experience, so I can build more teaching skills through volunteering and by fall of next year, I will be at my best again in school again.

Right now, I am in the process of filling out my school’s “Leave of Absence” form and to better back up my form, I made sure to get letters from my school’s sexual assault and disability support services. So, we’ll see just have to see if I can get the Spring semester off. But I hope I really do get it. I need it.

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