Day: April 25, 2017
Now before you ask me, “Well how does this apply to me when I was raped, mistreated, rejected, abandoned, abused” so on and so for. Look, for example, when I was raped I learned that I can’t wait around for the guy who hurt me to help me move forward with my life.. In a sense…getting permission from the guy to move forward via his apology (’cause that sure as hell wasn’t going to happen). I learned that I had to make to first move in order to move forward with my life. The hurt still is there, but I wasn’t going to wait until the pain went away or the guy to apologize to move on with my life. And thanks to God and therapy, I’ve been able to do that day by day.
Despite my pleasant demeanor that people see me display on my face, I have been through my own share of crap. I have told some of stories in this blog: financial hardship, a break up, betrayal, rape, domestic violence… Basically my life hasn’t been puppy dog tails and unicorns…. and stuff like that. Yet people think my life is perfect. Perfect….hahaha…perfect! C’mon…really? Do you think because I don’t come out as an emo person or I don’t whine or I treat people like crap mean I shouldn’t have to try and smile? Stop myself from trying to keep moving forward and pursue the life and treatment I deserve? No. I believed since I was a small child, that life is what you make it….that life can be crappy, but that doesn’t mean you have be crappy. I mean….that doesn’t mean you can’t to be sad or angry or frustrated, it just means you don’t mean you have to be a jerk. You have no idea, how annoying, for example, I find out a guy is an asshole because a chick he loved treated him like him crap years and years ago. And I’m “So”? Why mistreat a woman who cares you and wants to treat you well?! Why stick it to the person who didn’t hurt you? People man…
Any who…hardship after hardship, I knew as a small child that it was hard enough for example, to grow up in a domestic abusive household, but to allow my heart to become hardened by it was not going to happen. But don’t get me wrong, because while I did my best not to let negative circumstances and people get the best of me, that didn’t mean it didn’t have some kind of an impact on me. I mean, heck, that’s why I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder for crying out loud. You would too if you didn’t have a home or people you could feel safe with. I choose to be kind to people even though it wasn’t always given to me. But again… don’t get it twisted…just because I was kind, doesn’t mean I was going to tolerate mediocrity and bullsh*t from people. I had every right to walk away from people who weren’t treating me right…even when I cared about them a lot.
So remember as hard as life can be on you, try, try, try your best to not let your heart be hardened by the world.