Me, Anxiety, and My Stomach

04-stress-sick-stomach-pain

Ugh! My stomach hurts! And it’s not because of acid build up my stomach (although it can happen time to time). It’s because I had a panic attack. Well…it had happened yesterday on my way to work. There were sooo many things on my mind: work, relationships, my exam next month, wondering if I even studied enough… My left arm got tighter and tighter, while my left arm was tingling and getting numb, my chest was was getting tighter too. I thought I was having a heart attack! But I was to myself, “Naw! I’m only 30! I just turned 30 years old 4 months ago! I mean it so much, I had to pull into a parking lot of a nearby store, because i couldn’t drive any further. I just couldn’t. So I called my job and told them, that I had chest pain and I couldn’t come to work because of that. They understood. If only, mental illness was accepted just as easily as chest pain…

Anywho, when I eventually got home, my stomach was so much pain! *sigh* Another sign that I was really stressed out. And why wouldn’t I be? I missed a day of work, which could have really helped me out in paying bills. Great….

Chest pain + Arm numbing/tingling +stomach pain=  discomforting pain!

(just what I needed)

It took me a long time to realize it, but I had a bottle of mirtazapine (aka Atrax), my psychiatrist gave me three years ago (it’s fine; it still works). I never liked taking it because of how it made me drowsy. I mean, it worked well for panic attacks, but not something to take during a day. I had to take even hours before my bed time, so I wouldn’t get drowsy throughout the day, especially while driving. Man…I forgot how that pill knocks me out! So much so, I could sleep through all the conversations that were taking place outside my bedroom! The tightness and numbness/tingling went away, thank goodness. As for the stomach pain (acid build up)…well, it kinda still remains although, I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t eaten or because I am still stressed out.

But you know something? I think it’s because I’ve skipped my meds. Before I was diagnosed, I remember always experiencing panic attacks, but now, since I’ve been diagnosed and since I have been taking my meds, it has come less often and it’s not this painful. Two reasons… One. I have kinda been feeling peer pressure not to take my pills, from family and friends. I keep trying to explain why I’m taking it and it’s not making a drug addict.  And they’re trying to tell me, why I shouldn’t. I know they mean well, but I am doing what’s best for me. But I am ashamed of myself for giving into it. I just want to stop being judged for taking them. Reason one…I hate taking medicine. Period. Although, the irony here is I have to so I can function otherwise my anxiety. So lesson learned here: don’t stop taking your meds until you meet with your psychiatrist to discuss a plan on how to get off them.

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