Month: December 2017

Asking for Help Helps Ourselves, Helps Others

To be honest, asking for help has been the hardest thing for me to do, only because I fear of being a burden to people I hold dear. Or the fear of exposing my vulnerabilities only to be more vulnerable. Whenever I talk to people, I always find myself overthinking of what to say and how to say it or when to say it or who to say it to. Then if I have said something, I then find myself wondering if I said too much or if I have projected myself in the wrong light…. It’s so exhausting to think about.

My friend has been gracious enough to be there for me that I have found it unreal. Although I do fear of coming off as a “drama queen” or “being clingy”, but he seems to be quite understand and open to my anxieties. I know I have to do this with others. For example, I have a good group of people I’ve befriended at “Celebrate Recovery”. In my heart of hearts, I want to befriend them, but I’m scared if the closer I get with them…will they harm me outside “Celebrate Recovery”, because whatever is said inside it, stays inside…. so I do worry about what happens if we do continue our comments on the outside.

I know…I’m so negative…thinking about about all the worst possibilities in order to be prepared for the worst, because there’s nothing like not being prepared. It’s not like I like being this way…I don’t….everything is either “black or white” or disbelieving that even when the best things happen, I don’t believe that it IS actually happening. It’s hard to accept things or even people (for the better or worse) as they are or to be in the moment, because you’re thinking in the past, present, and future…actually…more of the past and future than the present, but you get what I’m saying right? Yeah…anxiety disorders and depressive disorders are the worst when it comes to distorting your ability to reasons with situations and relationships…it’s sooooo annoying. It can make the most sensible, personable people, into the most unreasonable people and in the times we’re in now, you can’t afford to lick your emotional and/or psychological wounds. And that’s why (bringing it back) you and I need good friends to get through these times.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” —Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I have been fortunate to have people in my life nowdays who want to help me in my times in hardships.  And as I should, I should take their up their friendship. You know what… now that I’ve thought about it…I’ve never thought of Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 before (although I’ve read that scripture like a dozen times), but I’d rather take up a person’s offer friendship than a person’s offer of pity any day of the week.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”–Proverbs 17:17

This year…holy macaroni…has been just a whirlwind of….what’s the best word to use…crap? It’s just been a mess, one including the break up with my former boyfriend who is my friend right now. However, we’ve dealt with a lot of crap with our lives, with each other….oi, but through and through we’ve helped encourage one another make it in this crazy thing called life. And because we’ve had and we’ve been learning to accept one another—the worst and better part of ourselves—we’re not just afraid to reveal our weaknesses, but to take on each other’s weaknesses as well.

The ladies too I’ve been beginning to befriend at “Celebrate Recovery”…we’ve laughed and cried at each other’s faults, with no sort of judgement of how our life is “not as bad” as the other or how we “should” handle our situation or what we’ve “should’ve” done. I mean sure majority are older than me, but I’ve never met people this welcoming before…I mean they actually don’t mind me calling to talk to me about my problems…it’s surreal!

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”–Proverbs 27:17

On Christmas Day after watching “The Last Jedi”, me and my friend were talking and I was telling him about my distresses and upset that I might be burdening him. He then told me, that it was okay that I come to him about my problems, because I have always been there for his. He said that if it wasn’t for me encouraging him to not give up on his studies to become a forensic scientist, he would have gave it up altogether. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been able to land any forensic scientist jobs so he’s been feeling a bit forlorn lately. Fortunately, he like me has one more semester left.

When he told me this, I was very surprised that I kept him going in his endeavors. I felt encouraged by this, because I didn’t know I’d have that affect on someone…at least someone outside my family. Then the ladies at “Celebrate Recovery” have been very supportive too. We’ve been very supportive to each other: letting each other cry and letting each other laugh….noone’s story is too big or little to deserve support from one another.

In conclusion, especially going into the new year, I want to be able to allow myself to ask to help from my friends. I mean, apparently I’ve been showing kindness to others when they weren’t asking for it; it’s time I’ve been receiving kindness from others when I haven’t been asking for it either.

My Top Posts of 2017

Oh my goodness! Wow…is it almost the end of the new year??? Good gravy! Well before the year ends, I wanted to showcase my top 10 posts for this year. Enjoy!

Wentworth Miller: Mental Health Advocate

Hollywood and Mental Illness II

Be Good To Yourself on The Road To Recovery

7 Things To Remember When Being Judged By Others

Hollywood and Mental Illness

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Lord of the Rings Meme on Living with an Anxiety Disorder

The Creation of a Therapeutic Coloring Book for PTSD, and Adult ADHD Patients

Yeah, Boiiiiiii!!!

Then and Now…


List of Things To Leave in 2017

I saw the picture on my Instagram’s thread and I thought this was important to share and reflect on as this year ends and the new one begins. I do hope the attitudes of the following topics will change for the better.

The Impact On Children Living With Domestic Violence

I understand lately my posts have been pretty sensitive due to my recent experiences with sexual violence/sexual harassment—the next hardest topics to mental illness. But if YOU think reading, listening and/or seeing stories on those experiences are hard, try living with memories with them!

The next subject that haunts me is domestic violence. I grew up in that environment…in fact it’s the reason why I live with an anxiety disorder and depressive disorder in the first place. All the times my dad was emotionally abusing—and sometimes physically abusing— my mom. As a child I felt helpless and hopeless to seeing mom being abused then the fear if me and my siblings would be split up, especially when the police were always our door due to neighbors calling in the disturbance. Not to mention all the days I spent either expecting another fight (but funny enough it would also stress me out if it didn’t happen) or becoming emotionally numb to the situation.

Now as adult, I still suffer from the plight of my childhood. When children go through similar situations like some of the ones I have been through, it breaks my heart. As an incoming teacher, my experience me to relate and help cope with the students I come across. The plus side to nowadays is there are a lot of resources to help kids and teens deal with their emotional wellbeing while dealing with the turmoil at home. The question how do you know if your child and/or teen and/or student is possibly dealing or has been dealing with domestic violence at home? Especially when you can’t see it? The info graph below showcases how domestic violence during each stage adolescence impacts a child’s emotional and mental wellbeing, so hopefully you can better understand and find the resources to help them cope with the troubles at home. Maybe also if you were a child who lived in such a household, you’ll better understand yourself better too.