Month: May 2018

Remembering Our Fallen Heroes

While we use this day to remember our fallen heroes who have died in battle, we should also take the time remember the vets who have died by suicide. According to the Reuters online website, veterans die by suicide—22 deaths a day or one every 65 minutes on average. This is usually committed by those who are 50 years and older, with numbers of 69% or higher. That doesn’t include, for example, the data from 2012— where there were 349 on-duty suicides.

When our soldiers come home, it won’t always be visible scars…but at times emotional ones. These invisible scars can come in the form of warning signs. According to, these signs can include:

  • Feeling hopeless, trapped or feeling there’s no way out
  • Having persisting or worsening troubling sleep
  • Withdrawing from family and friends
  • Engaging in risky behavior without thinking of the consequences
  • Feeling like there’s no reason to live

In addition to those examples, there maybe more signs that require immediate attention. These may include:

  • Giving away prized possessions
  • Frequently talking, writing, or drawing about death or about items that can cause physical harm
  • Behaving violently such as punching holes in walls, getting into fights or engaging in self-harm acts
  • Putting their affairs in order, tying up loose ends, and/or making a will

In Riverside, CA today, members of the organization, Veteran Suicide Awareness Project, had their 3rd annual Memorial Day Ruck March. In this event, they can walk as nearly 40 miles, while carrying 22 pounds of rucksack to signify the 22 veterans who commit suicide everyday. One woman, the event organizer and an Air Force Veteran herself, Evita De La Cruz, carried 22 pounds of her husband’s belongings—such as his boots and helmet from Iraq—who died by suicide in 2013 after serving in the military. The proceeds will go to families who had a vet that die by suicide. I hope their event went well to shed light on suicide and our vets.

If you are a vet or you know a vet who may need help, contact the link below:

The Veterans Crisis Line is 800-273-8255, then press 1. Help via text is available at 838-255 and veterans can chat at

Readings:Riverside Ruck March Shines Light On Veteran Suicide


Well I’ve finish my finals and I have finished my special education credential! It was 5 years in the making and it took me 3 years to complete! I am very grateful for the help and support I received from loved ones, my teachers and school staff!

It was very trying with all the things I have gone through, but it is worth it. But I’m not done…I have to pass a test called that I MUST pass called the RICA exam. It’s a test in California required (usually taken by teacher candidates pursuing the special ed credential) to get the credential. I have a job offer, but I must pass this test first. Currently now I’m in temporary housing, the last place didn’t make me safe anymore so I’ll be needing the focus to pass this test and get a job, so please pardon my absences on this blog.

It doesn’t help either that my anxiety and depression are also affected by lack of housing and finances. Not to mention resorting to a drivershare job where there are more chances of sexual harassment. But what else can I do? I’ve put in applications for other jobs but until then, I have to do something until I even get called for an interview. And that’s another reason why I must past this test: for financial, physical and emotional security. Right now I’m in a safe place with safe people, even though it’s gonna cost me $900 (for three months) just for this summer.

The last place I lived wasn’t safe. One time I heard gunshots go off at a birthday party, overheard a group of people beating up some guy (or at least that’s what it sounded like; the screams woke me up 2 o’ clock in the morning), then the landlord’s son brings shady people to his house—like one time he had a shady friend who still uses hard drugs like ecstasy and he told me his friend told him he wanted to buy a gun while he was as high as a kite. Not mention the son smokes weed, which in my opinion either smell like garbage or someone who crapped in their pants. It smells awful and I often got headaches. Now, I can tell the difference between synthetic weed, real weed, edibles, and bong—ugh! That one smelled the worst! But for him he used it as a substitute for all the hard drugs he use to take. Then another time, he and ex-girlfriend threw out my spaghetti that was in MY pot to make their own meal, while he has own pots to use—only because HIS family’s pots were dirty. I was done…I couldn’t take it anymore.

It’s sad now you have to pay a great deal for better housing and if you don’t, you pay the cheaper and perhaps unsafe housing. It’s unfair and people shouldn’t have to put themselves through to make such choices just to have a roof over their heads. This was me for about 6 months.

I was supposed to live with my brother through housing but it didn’t workout, so I’m living in a temporary housing. I never thought I’d face homelessness again. The last I did, I was 10 and me, my siblings and my mom were living in a women’s shelter to get away from dad. However, if I pass this test I won’t have to go through homelessness again and I’ll be able to live the live I deserve.

And don’t get me wrong…I’m scared as hell I won’t be able to pass the test and I will have undergo homelessness until I pass the test. It’s my worst fear…

I will do my best to update the blog, but I’ll be in the real world trying to study and finally get the security I’ve always wanted.

Finals Week!

Sorry I’ve been MIA. Lots of things have been happening, one of them being finals week and I’ve been trying to work really completing SO many essays! This week is my last week in school, so I MUST do well, because next week I’m graduating from Special Education Program from my school next week! Till next time, take care!