One of the forgotten people in Domestic Violence is the children. Why? I have no idea… Believe me, since I was a child I’ve always wanted an answer…. What annoyed me growing up personally was when people would convince my mom to stay with my father, because it would be a shame if me and my siblings grew up fatherless. The ironic thing about that was, was while he was in our lives he never really took on the roll of a father.
See the term “mother” or “father” are just names of roles, but really what makes, for instance, a “father”, is a man who decides he is going to be one. Why do you think terms like “father figure” or “mother figure” exist? Because you don’t have to be a blood relative or even be the parent yourself to become a “father” or “mother.” Unfortunately, the people who were indirectly shaming my mother by making us go back to abusive roots just to have a “father” have no IDEA what it was like to undergo abuse by a partner or witness the beating of your mother.
The real shame of the people who said my siblings deserved a “father” was the fact they completely ignored the apparent fear and confusion behind my mom’s face and behind my mom’s words. And because my mom valued those people, she valued their words and stayed. The real shame of those people was that they put “family first”, before (especially) before the physical and mental well-being of my siblings and I.
Children are the REAL losers of domestic violence. So young with their life way ahead of them, they counter situations and emotions that is beyond their own reckoning. So when I hear people talk about how victims of domestic violence should stay with their apparently abusive partner, because the child needs a “father”, I can’t help but to shake my head. How the hell do people like that think they can “understand” and oversimplify such dire situations??? I mean hell, I’m an adult who grew up in such situation and I’m still having a hard time understanding it.
I found this chart, “The Children’s Domestic Abuse Wheel”, to remind people how domestic violence and other forms of abuse affects children in many ways:
- Emotional Abuse
- Physical & Mental Effects
- Sexual Abuse
- Using Children
- Sexual Stereotyping
The reason why I suffer from mental health issues is BECAUSE of living through such a dysfunctional environment. I suffer bad heartburn, because of all of the stress absorbed into my stomach. I don’t wish this upon any child, not even my own. That’s why I don’t have a family of my own yet. I don’t need to see my life repeated like that again. It’s like the old saying goes, “Think of the Children”. At the end of the day, they have the most to lose.