Day: April 11, 2019
Ever lost something that made you, you? It could be your mental wellbeing or your physical health and because of that you don’t feel like 100 percent…you? Let me give you an example through Supernatural’s Jack Kline the Nephilim offspring of Kelly Kline and Lucifer. Yes I said it, Lucifer. While yes he is half human and angel, his father being an archangel (and he is in the Bible), he was a powerful being. “Was” you make ask. Yeah. See in the early season of Season 13, Michael (the archangel) from another demention stole Lucifer’s grace in order to get into and conquer our demension and because of that Lucifer was powerless throughout the season…until he stole Jack’s grace. And so far this season, he is running on his life (via magic) to keep him alive. And now that the end of the end of the world is nearing (Michael created super vampires and werewolves to do his bidding by killing off humans, because they weren’t “worth saving”) for the umpteen time, Jack feels useless.
As Castiel states, it’s better to focus on what you don’t have than what you do have. Why? Because doing so keeps you from one feeling sorry for yourself and two to keep you to noticing the things you can do or do have. For example, when I was living in my car for awhile, I was pissed. Pissed that things didn’t go as planned for me. I always had something to help me, but this time…nothing. I was always use to using my wits or having some sort of financial backup. I applied for jobs but no luck. The relationship with my family at the time was kind of a mess.
Then on a hot day, I realized as I saw the homeless men either riding their bike or walking, they didn’t have something that I DID have: a car. A car where I could travel anywhere with, a car where I could travel anywhere to…a car with an air condition. I also had family (later on) and friends to help me. Some homeless people who had family who lived in another state (and unfortunately had little to no funds to have them travel there) or they had family that didn’t want them. I then realized how blessed even STILL in the moment I was in.
It’s easy to think we can look at someone and think they may not understand where we are coming from, but you may be surprised what you’ll discover about a person. I get that a lot from people, because how bubbly or serious I look. However when I open my mouth, they are shocked by what they hear. I remember not too long ago when I was subbing in a 3rd grade class, I was sharing to a young boy a book series I use to read when I was his age. He asked me what happened to the books and I told him that I lost them during the time of my parents divorce. I could feel his astonishment because he didn’t think that happened to me. The fact I looked free from any sort of troubles at home, I think surprised him. He ended up revealing that his parents were divorced too. He told me how the divorce has impacted him at home and at school. From how he described his troubles at school, I assumed that it stemmed from the heartbreak at home. From that moment forward, he followed me around like a little chick, wanting to help me out anyway I can. Sometimes, we need that assurance that in the midst of hardship we’re going to be okay in the end. I think that’s what Jack needed and I think that that little boy needed that too.
Sometimes it’s easy to get rapped up in the things we have that we can attach our identity to them. This in makes it hard so when we do lose everything, we can feel defeated. I know I did when I was on the street: no job, no home….I always saw myself whenever and where ever I came from return home. This time I dreaded finishing the day, because it meant I had to spend the rest of the day in my car. It was then I had to realize I had friends who cares about me and wanted to help me. Also that I had the skills of being resourceful. I had to remember to look within myself to survive living on the street.
When we look at others, we can tend to think they are flawless, free from the upsets of all the screwups that we make in our day to day life, that it can make us lose our sense of self. We may end up losing interest in pursuing whatever skill we want to achieve. Heck, we may still lose confidence in ourselves. But it is important to remember this: Rome was not built in a day. It takes a lot of hard work, sweat and tears (they’ll definitely be a lot of those) and as Cas says, patience to perfect whatever skill we want to possess. But again like below patience and persistence are skills too.
For the past 4 years since I was living on my own, I had to find myself. After spending 28 years with my family, I had a hard time knowing who I was, because my identity was attached to my family, including my self-esteem. It took me a long time, to know who I was…to know who Ezi was, without having to tie myself to my hard past. And I struggled a lot! While I wanted my independence, I had separation anxiety being a way from them. While I wanted to hear my own voice, I still needed to hear their’s…their reassurance mostly. There was fear as well if my past was going to hinder my future. That was what was bugging me the whole time. But here I was in my new life, not being able to enjoy the here and now and the other good prospects that would follow.
In the end I found, I can’t allow what I did or do have or what I didn’t have interfere with having a better future. That includes my past too. This new time I’m in–in spite of the struggles I’m engaged in–is a chance to find who I really am and what I’m made of without all the comforts of life. Also we’re not alone in the struggles we are in. Keep in mind the family and friends who may understand and/or be able to help you. You can learn how to be gracious in life by the people you encounter in life and may have something to teach you. However, as long as you are alive, there is much room from growth, self-discovery, self-love and of course, success.