Honestly, I would LOVE to own a pet, but due to finances, I can’t. Not to mention with me looking for work and working with the jobs I currents have, I wouldn’t be around to care for one. While cats (for some reason) are growing on me, I would love to own a dog. It’s just compared to cats (in my opinion) they are more likely to want to play with you and be petted.
I had a dog once. He was a golden retriever named Max. I got him when he was a puppy. He was the cutest little thing! I remember when he was smaller than my lap. Even as little as he was, he loved to be around people and give high fives. He was such a playful dog. And he made the perfect alarm clock. He’d run up the stairs to get into the room and lick my face to remind me it was time for his breakfast. I was never late to school. Then my dad took him away. Up till this day, I’ve always wanted to know what happened to him.
Then I met Puga. Puga is my boyfriend’s dog (she’s a pug). I call her my surrogate pet. I get to play with her without the responsibility. This dog is super smart though, it’s ridiculous. She can open an empty water bottle in less than 10 seconds, she always knows where her “safe spot” is when I chase her…heck she knows how to lure me out of the chair, just so that she can sit in it! She can look at me and wag her little cinnamon bun tail and I think she wants to play with me. Nope! Not so. The next thing you know she’s sitting in my place. You can also tell when she’s displeased too. You can tell her,for example, if she wants to go outside (the backyard) and she shows her teeth.
Regardless, she loves to be petted. But you know something? I love petting her too. It helps me relax. There’s nothing like caring for another living, making sure they are cared for and loved. It helps me to take my mind off of myself and my problems. My anxiety has dissipated, my depression has dissipated…it’s almost like a form of mindfulness keeping myself centered and in the here and now.
Owning or even just being around one is very therapeutic. I’ve always known how pets can help people put a smile on their face, but I didn’t know the science of pets do that. Pets can help people better their physical, mental and even social health. Pets helps children with autism use more language as well as develop social interactions. Petting, for example, dogs can help the person release hormones like serotonin, prolactin, and oxycontin to elevate mood (UCLA Health, n.d).
I know for me, I look forward to meeting Puga every week. Seeing her run all over the house due to the excitement of seeing me there. And I look forward to playing with her and petting her. Seeing her makes me forget about the anxieties that can take over my mind. And then when I have to leave my boyfriend and her and return to my room, I feel all the anxieties and depressed thoughts return to my mind as I prepare for the week ahead.
When my life becomes more financial stable, I will get a dog and have them sign up to be my therapy dog. I can take them to the stores so it would help me reduce my anxiety and PTSD. I’d be able to be more physically active. Since my sexual assault, I’ve always felt a bit of nervousness whenever I’m out. Having a pet would DEFINITELY help me reduce that.
In the last post, we learned about Hank. This time we will learn about Dawn. Before Dawn sported the hero apparel, she was an accomplished Ballerina. In fact, she was able to perform a dance, when mother came over to visit her from England.
As she catching up with her mom, Marie Granger, she found out her dad was still being abusive to her. Each time Dawn tried to talk about her getting away from him, her mom made an excuse like how he wasn’t as bad as he was in the past and that he is “trying to change”. What Dawn’s mother is experiencing is called “Intimate Partner Violence”. Intimate Partner Violence or IPV describes physical sexual, or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse.
IPV doesn’t just affect women, it also affects men too. According to the Center of Disease Control (CDC) about 1 in 4 women and about 1 in 7 adult men revealing having had experience some form of physical violence from their intimate partner in their lifetime. So, if Dawn’s mom knows he’s abusive why did she make an excuse for him? It’s easy to say, how you would have done better, but it’s not that simple.
There are emotional and situational reason why victims like Dawn’s mom would stay with their abuser.
Emotional Factors include
Belief that the abusive partner will change because of his remorse and promises to stop battering
Fear of the abuser who threatens to kill the victim if abuse is reported to anyone
Lack of emotional support
Guilt over the failure of the relationship
Attachment to the partner
Fear of making major life changes
Feeling responsible for the abuse
Feeling helpless, hopeless and trapped
Belief that she is the only one who can help the abuser with his problems
Then there is also the situation factors
Economic dependence on the abuser
Fear of physical harm to self or children
Fear of emotional damage to the children over the loss of a parent, even if that parent is abusive
Fear of losing custody of the children because the abuser threatens to take the children if victim tries to leave
Lack of job skills
Social isolation and lack of support because abuser is often the victim’s only support system
Lack of information regarding domestic violence resources
belief that law enforcement will not take her seriously
Lack of alternative housing
Cultural or religious constraints
From what it sounds like to me, Dawn’s mom believes that her husband will “change” and will stop abusing her. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen. From what I remember, she never mentioned, for example, admitting how he has hurt her or stopped making excuses and blaming…nothing. To be honest, I was hoping she wouldn’t return to him, but unfortunately, it seemed like she already made up her mind to return.
I remember feeling disappointed when my mom returned to my dad once a long time ago…like Dawn, it was hard to see my mom go back with my dad. I felt like mom deserved a better life than to return with my dad. He never stopped making excuses and blaming, he never took responsibility of his behavior, he never showed respectful, kind, and supportive behavior….nothing. It hurt me to see my mom not just hurt physically, but emotionally as well.
So how can you help a loved one who is undergoing domestic abuse? According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, loved ones should:
Acknowledge that they are in a very difficult and scary situation, be supportive and listen
If they end the relationship, continue to be supportive of them
Encourage them to participate in activities in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family
Help them develop a safety plan
Encourage them to talk to people who can provide help and guidance
Remember that you cannot “rescue” them.
I provide this knowledge, because domestic violence isn’t easy to see or experience and I understand how it’s easy to become judgmental towards someone, especially if it is someone you love, because you can’t understand why they would continue to put themselves in an abusive relationship. All you can do is love them and be there for them when they need it.
Star Trek: The Next Generation is very interesting and fun show! I’ve heard of this show since it’s last TV airing in 1994. And I’ve been fortunate it meet Wil Wheaton and his wife at Wonder Con about 2 years ago. But to have enjoyed this show and it’s characters after only 3 episodes (a rare feat) is amazing.
Anyhow this post is about one of the characters on TNG, Counselor Deanna Troi. From what I know so far, Troi is counselor to Captain Jean-Luc Picard on the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) and seems to possess the power of Empathy. Not just the ability empathize, but an psionic ability to sense people feelings. It’s CRAZY how she knows the feelings of others:
The creature is filled with rage—undirected, unfocused rage. When he confronts it, his guard goes down, because he’s feeling it instead of suppressing it. Acknowledging his needs makes him vulnerable.
Star Trek: The Next Generation S1:E24: Skin of Evil
Sounds like what my therapists have all said…acknowledge your feelings…be more vulnerable. Troi can feel the emotions her—alien and human alike–even as from another ship. What I like about this show is that not only does it feature a quirky crew, but in spite of how advance in time this show takes place in, there is a immense respect that the crew have for Troi. In the real world—2019—people who are empaths/highly sensitive people are made fun of. The crew of the Enterprise looks to her to and how they are to relate to other humans and various alien species so they can make logical solutions in how to appropriately relate to them. And I don’t blame them. You’d want to have an idea of what or who you are dealing with before engaging in an unknown territory or people.
It was cool seeing how Counselor Troi was respected. In this time, in this real world empaths like myself aren’t taken seriously. Whether people call us “philosophers” or “deep thinkers” or “sensitive”, we’re rarely asked for our thoughts on a given issue. I feel in my opinion, most people are too emotional. They react first, then think later, too late. However if you see on the show, the characters don’t react on their emotions or even the emotions of others. Rather, they use emotions as means of developing self-awareness among new environments, situations, and people to then in turn make logical decisions or actions in such events.
You don’t stop having emotions, but instead regulate them, so they don’t regulate you. So I can see why Counselor Troi is an important asset to the Enterprise. I look forward to continue watching the adventures that Troi and rest of the crew will have in the TNG series.
Wonder why people know what your feeling? Do you wonder why you can feel what people are feeling? Wonder why hugging is a healing element? The answer is simple…our hearts emit electromagnetic fields. In fact it is the largest electromagnetic field in our body to the brain (Kosma, 2018). The heart has an electromagnetic field that is 100 times stronger than our brain’s. This could be why hugs feel so comforting when we’re sad no matter how angry or sad the situation may be. These same electromagnetic fields send out information about other people’s thoughts and emotions (Kosma, 2018).
This is why, for example, it will feel like an infant is setting a “wave” of crying in a hospital or a person is emitting anxiety throughout the workplace (Orloff, 2017). Empaths however are more sensitive to such electromagnetic fields. Another reason why we have to be more around positive people than negative.
A nurse that impregnates a women who is comatose…a physician who sexually assaults young gymnasts…a Newport Beach doctor and his girlfriend drug and sexual assaulting his patients. Makes you almost not want to trust doctors. In the Atlanta-Journal-Constitution newspaper, it was found that “3,100 practicing doctors who had been publicly disciplined after accusations of sexual infractions”.( In case you’re wondering what an infraction, it’s a minor offense.) Then out of those, 2,400 doctors had been threatened with a penalty for “violations involving patients.” So basically they have been given a slap on the wrist.
In one instance in Austin, Texas, a well-respected neurologist by the name of Dr. Philip Leonard was reported in 2001 by one victim (and 16 others) for rubbing his erection against her during an exam (Ernsthausen, Hart, Robbins & Teegardin, 2017). The medical board at first believed their stories and suspended Leonard’s medical license. However, they eventually changed their mind after one patient’s criminal case went to trial, causing the doctor to be acquitted. The medical board then made a deal with Dr. Leonard that he can still practice, but only male patients for 10 years. The restriction expired in 2014 (Ernsthausen et al, 2017).
Like how the medical board restricted Dr. Leonard to male patients, there are five other ways doctors can be restricted from being abusive:
They can have limited duties
They cannot treat children
They cannot treat geriatric patients
They must have a chaperone
Their practice may be monitored
The problem with these, is these doctors may be able to still get away from it. For example, a cardiologist in New York cardiologist by the name of Frank T. Pollaro was charged for child pornography (Hart, 2017). However instead of the New York State Board for Profession Conduct had him evaluated in Atlanta at Behavioral Medicine Institute. He was to see a therapist, he couldn’t treat patients 18 or younger. But, he could for community service with the surveillance by a chaperone, continue to treat adult patients in their homes (Hart, 2017). In others words, sooner or later he would be allowed to practice again.
As you have read in this post, you may have noticed there are varied professions of the medical field. This can include OB/GYNs, seductions by psychiatrists, fondling by anesthesiologist and ophthalmologists, and molestation by pediatricians and radiologists (Ernsthausen et al, 2017). So even though there are medical practitioners who have done such things, how come the public doesn’t know about them? Here are some reasons (Hart, 2017):
Regulators (like the State Medical Boards) don’t post key information
No mentions are made of pending criminal charges
Public orders have been taken offline (some states allow the disciplinary order be removed after a certain amount of time).
No orders are online (meaning you have to make a request and sometimes may require a payment)
States don’t detail allegations
No cause is cited for restrictions
No reason is given when doctors surrender licenses
Disciplinary orders are obscure
Orders only use vague terms
Passages deleted from orders
The severity of the violation is understated
That doesn’t even include websites that make even more difficult to request for such documents.
So how would you know, if a doctor is conducting an examination the wrong way? Here are some ways (AJA, 2017):
Examine or touch genitals without use of gloves
Subject a patient to an intimate examination in the presence of others without the patient’s informed consent
Conduct an intimate exam in an unusual manner, such as conducting a breast exam from behind the patient; leaving both breasts exposed; or ordering the patient to assumed positions to assume positions to expose the patient’s genital or rectal areas, without clinical justification
So what can you do as patient to protect yourself? You can:
Call the police
Contact the State Medical Board
Contact the Hospital or clinic affiliated with the doctor
Contact advocacy organizations
Contact rape crisis
I understand the fear of seeing doctors. I myself have felt violated by a doctor I trusted when I was in a vulnerable state during a Pap smear exam. It took me years to figure out what he did to me. I didn’t know what to do at the time, but I researched the OB/GYN Doctor online, but so far nothing. All I saw was the good views on him. The information I gave you, is that so you can protect yourself and avoid such pains. Even if you were sexual assulted, there are resources out there to help you. And remember this: You are not alone.