I’m an Expert at Worrying


Spirituality and Me

Lately, I’ve been very tired. Could be because I have been not eating food with protein. It could be also because I have been learning so much about my speciality (in special education) through my student teaching experiences these past few months. So lately, I’ve been trying to go to bed on time. Nope still tired. How about shortening my hours with Uber? Hmm…while that has been nice not having to start Uber from 5 in the morning, so I can be back at my student teaching site before 10am, that hasn’t helped either. Okay…maybe because I have not been consistent with my antidepressants. It helps, but still no… Ugh!

So yesterday after two weeks, I went back to church. I haven’t been because I’ve been trying to catch up on my homework and student teacher assignments. But I gotta say after going to church my I felt recharged again! Man! Without my spiritually would continued to feel the deep chasm that I call, depression. Holy crap! I could have continued to be a mess this week without that!

I feel with God in my life, He has given me strength that I couldn’t do on my own. He has given me blessings (especially this year), I couldn’t believe I could have ever received..or even asked for! While yes there is, of course, Christianity the religion I follow, my relationship God is what really matters to me. I have been to the Mormon church and to the Catholic Church. I met people who call themselves, “Christians” but it seems that it’s just a label to to some “Christians”…but God has been my constant through. After all, human beings can disappoint you, even those nearest and dearest to you. And having Him in my life has helped me humble myself (I’m trying to at least) when those relationships fail and/or disappoint me.

Having God in my life has helped me to rely on Him than rely on myself (again, I’m trying to). When living with both anxiety AND depression, they leave me in such a disarray. Anxiety makes me feel like I have the “whole world is on my shoulders” or that “nobody” likes me or that I can’t trust other people or to expect nothing but bad and/or hard times in life. On the other hand, depression makes me that I’m not good enough or life sucks in general or I’m “behind in my life”. But with God, He reminds me that I’m His child and that He will be my strength in the hard times. He will be a friend to the friendless or that:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:36 NIV

“Seek your happiness in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desire.” Psalm 37:4 (Can be used when hoping for a spouse)

“The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 (Good when hoping for a spouse)

Yeah, these a but a few scriptures I used when I feel down or hopeless and that I’m more than my problems that I am a child of the most High God. It’s not to say that I never experience depression or anxiety, but having my spirituality in tact, keeps me in check…especially in the times we live in. It was because of my faith in God, He has gotten me and family through some pretty tough scrapes. It was because of God, my depression and anxiety hadn’t completely over taken me. It was because of God that He has given me the grace to overcome my previous experience with sexual assault everyday.

Now you’re probably wondering “If God is SO great why does He let bad things happen? Why are you living with mental illness and why did He allow that hideous situation to happen to you?” To be honest, I don’t know and I’m not going to “pretend” I do. Heck… aren’t there are somethings we do and then after the situation has taken place, you ask yourself, “Why did I do that?” Even our own actions will be a mystery to ourselves, much less knowing why bad or good things happen. I do know as according to the Bible, as long as we live in the world of the flesh, we live in a world that is unfortunately, covered by sin. Look in the book of Genesis. In this life, again unfortunately, bad things can still happen to good people, even if they are Christian. As much as I wish that label would be a guarantee that I wouldn’t face any hardship or that I wouldn’t undergo pain or disappointment or that I wouldn’t experience health problems, that is not how Christianity works. Christianity is a way of life which gets harder with each passing age of time. But I have faith that God will give me the strength in this sinful world to overcome its hardships. This world, this life, while it can be beautiful and wonderful, can still be difficult and painful. Trust me…my anxiety and depression remind me that everyday. But all I know is as long as my spirituality is in tact and my relationship with God is constant, I’ll be fine.

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7

Therapy For Black Girls: The Psychology Behind Black Panther


Lately, I’ve been listening to inspirational podcasts on spirituality and mental health and it definitely helps when stuck in the traffic jams of L.A. I will let you know about some of those podcasts in the near future.

“Therapy For Black Girls” has been one of those mental health podcasts I’ve been listening to, because well…it’s nice to hear another take on mental health in the Black community and not to mention…there’s very few Black women as therapists and psychologists, because trust me if there were I’d be at their site. But for now, listening to mental health podcasts such as “Therapy For Black Girls” serves as an additional source to therapy, self-help books and the Bible. Can’t forget my Bible.

The host for “Therapy For Black Girls”, “Dr. Joy, for the week of March 6th, had a podcast session on “The Psychology of the Black Panther”, with guest, Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Parent Coach, Mercedes Samudio. The podcast I found interesting because it talked about how the “Black Panther” film, finally gave African Americans like myself a sense of pride seeing people that look like us on the silver screen taking on amazing roles and feats. And especially if you’re already a Black Nerd/Geek, like myself, it is awe-inspiring! The podcast also talked a lot about the issues I have always felt that Hollywood has failed to show with people of color…. Like seeing Black folks in a fantasy world, even if it’s in a dystopian one. I mean is Hollywood trying to say that we won’t exist in the 50 or so years??? I hope Black Panther will not be the last sci-fi/fantasy movie in the years to come, in addition to a sequel.

So I’m going to stop right here, before I ruin the rest of the podcast (because I’m very good at ruining things.  I don’t mean to, I just get excited and forget myself.), so here is the site to the podcast and the one you can listen to from the “Therapy for Black Girls” website.

Therapy For Black Girls: Session 47

Therapy For Black Girls Podcast