Be Good To Yourself

I’m extremely hard to myself when I don’t get things done or I feel I haven’t done what I do “well”…or when I feel I haven’t done “enough”. Then once that happens…I become withdrawn and go into a “mental”  fetal position.



My Mental Health Progress

I don’t know…one minute I’m doing great! Then in 5 minutes I feel like crap….30 minutes later, I’m able to build up contentment again. Then a “gray cloud” appears, I take a warm shower. I feel fresh and alive! Then…I feel like crap again and don’t get me started about work! I have to ACTUALLY talk to people! Anything, but that! I’m not in the mood. Few passengers later I feel a little better. I see how much I made…yes! Oh, heck yeah! I’m happy! I come home after long drives, my back aches…my head it spins! Anxiety is about me! I don’t know what to do! Will I be able to make enough money throughout the week to pay my bills? What job is there that will grant me flexibility while I pursue my credential??? Serving won’t do me any good, because I herniated my lower back from bussing now 6 years ago. Sitting all day driving already hurts and exhausts me. Student-teaching will begin soon and hopefully so will my time as a tutor. I’m at a loss on what do, once I’m in my mind trying to figure how deal with the struggles in my life…but that’s when unfortunately I lose the struggle to deal with my mental health. I become more withdrawn from associating with my friends, hopeless comes when looking for jobs only to find I’m not qualified even for the most humble ones. I’m OVERqualified, because of my resume caters more toward education. My experience as a hostess doesn’t seem to interest any employer in the restaurant business. Perhaps because it’s been six since I’ve been one??? I don’t know what employers are looking for nowdays? Is going to school for my credential worthwhile, while I struggle to pay my bills??? I only have four more months till I finish… My back begins to tighten which isn’t good for my herniated back. Chest pain envelops…I look for my inhale to help reduce it. The hunger that once embellished my stomach, no longer are there, because well…I lost my appetite.

This is but a sample of what I go through when trying to regain my mental health. It’s hard but it isn’t worth losing to.