Titans: Hank and Dawn (Part 2)

 

In the last post, we learned about Hank. This time we will learn about Dawn. Before Dawn sported the hero apparel, she was an accomplished Ballerina. In fact, she was able to perform a dance, when mother came over to visit her from England.

Minka Kelly as Dawn Granger

As she catching up with her mom, Marie Granger, she found out her dad was still being abusive to her. Each time Dawn tried to talk about her getting away from him, her mom made an excuse like how he wasn’t as bad as he was in the past and that he is “trying to change”. What Dawn’s mother is experiencing is called “Intimate Partner Violence”. Intimate Partner Violence or IPV describes physical sexual, or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse.

IPV doesn’t just affect women, it also affects men too. According to the Center of Disease Control (CDC) about 1 in 4 women and about 1 in 7 adult men revealing having had experience some form of physical violence from their intimate partner in their lifetime. So, if Dawn’s mom knows he’s abusive why did she make an excuse for him? It’s easy to say, how you would have done better, but it’s not that simple.

There are emotional and situational reason why victims like Dawn’s mom would stay with their abuser.

Emotional Factors include

  • Belief that the abusive partner will change because of his remorse and promises to stop battering
  • Fear of the abuser who threatens to kill the victim if abuse is reported to anyone
  • Lack of emotional support
  • Guilt over the failure of the relationship
  • Attachment to the partner
  • Fear of making major life changes
  • Feeling responsible for the abuse
  • Feeling helpless, hopeless and trapped
  • Belief that she is the only one who can help the abuser with his problems

Then there is also the situation factors

  • Economic dependence on the abuser
  • Fear of physical harm to self or children
  • Fear of emotional damage to the children over the loss of a parent, even if that parent is abusive
  • Fear of losing custody of the children because the abuser threatens to take the children if victim tries to leave
  • Lack of job skills
  • Social isolation and lack of support because abuser is often the victim’s only support system
  • Lack of information regarding domestic violence resources
  • belief that law enforcement will not take her seriously
  • Lack of alternative housing
  • Cultural or religious constraints

Marina Sirtis as Dawn’s mother, Marie Granger

From what it sounds like to me, Dawn’s mom believes that her husband will “change” and will stop abusing her. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen. From what I remember, she never mentioned, for example, admitting how he has hurt her or stopped making excuses and blaming…nothing. To be honest, I was hoping she wouldn’t return to him, but unfortunately, it seemed like she already made up her mind to return.

I remember feeling disappointed when my mom returned to my dad once a long time ago…like Dawn, it was hard to see my mom go back with my dad. I felt like mom deserved a better life than to return with my dad. He never stopped making excuses and blaming, he never took responsibility of his behavior, he never showed respectful, kind, and supportive behavior….nothing. It hurt me to see my mom not just hurt physically, but emotionally as well.

So how can you help a loved one who is undergoing domestic abuse? According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, loved ones should:

  • Acknowledge that they are in a very difficult and scary situation, be supportive and listen
  • Be non-judgmental
  • If they end the relationship, continue to be supportive of them
  • Encourage them to participate in activities in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family
  • Help them develop a safety plan
  • Encourage them to talk to people who can provide help and guidance
  • Remember that you cannot “rescue” them.

I provide this knowledge, because domestic violence isn’t easy to see or experience and I understand how it’s easy to become judgmental towards someone, especially if it is someone you love, because you can’t understand why they would continue to put themselves in an abusive relationship. All you can do is love them and be there for them when they need it.

References

Center for Disease Control. (2018).Intimate Partner Violence. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html

Domestic Violence Roundtable. (n.d.) Why Do Abusers Stay? Retrieved from: https://www.domesticviolenceroundtable.org/abuse-victims-stay.html

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (n.d.) Help a Friend or Family Member. Retrieved from: https://www.thehotline.org/help/help-for-friends-and-family/

 

GLOW (Part 1 of 3)

****Warning Discloser: Spoilers and sexual assault references***

The Cast of GLOW

I love “Glow”! Not just because it’s a nod to the times, but because of the cast and it’s great storytelling. Set in the mid 80s, Ruth Wilder, played by Allison Brie, is an up and coming actress trying her hardest to score her first big gig. Well…one thing led to another and she became a female wrestler.

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Ruth

 

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Zoya the Destroya

Believe it or not wrestling was a big deal back then. Even though  wrestling was fake, they drew big crowds on and off the small screen. Heck, GLOW is based off the actual GLOW TV Show which aired those days. And even when I watched the show  (you can  watch the documentary off the show on Netflix, it’s great), these women were amazing and crazy! There was NOTHING like that those days where women wrestled. So the show was very groundbreaking.

Image result for the real glow girls

Source: Inverse

If you grew up in the 80s or watched 80s films, women weren’t given a lot of roles as they are now. They didn’t have a lot lead roles, they seemed to play only as secretaries or mothers, they needed to be “pretty” and of course…they needed to have a man and be a damsel in distress. Women weren’t given a lot of personality…but GLOW gave the women to be more on television. They could engage in wresting for crying out loud! Yeah, some of those of course led to major injury, but these women were no longer restricted by gender norms.

Being that we’re now in the ME TOO era, this film really served as a reminder of what women went through to become famous. Unfortunately, it wasn’t due just hard work alone, but due to sleezy men who wanted to take advantage of women who wanted be actors.

If you look at the picture above, you can tell that Ruth was a rather dreamy and naive actress.  For starters, she wasn’t from California (I believe she’s originally from the mid west) and two, she has just such a big passion for acting. So big in fact, the director of GLOW (and soon to be love interest), Sam Sylvia, played by Marc Maron, didn’t take her seriously at first when he was putting together the cast. But thank goodness, to her passion, Sam kept her and she did very well portraying her Russian alter-ego, Zoya the Destroya.

The show, especially her character was so well liked by Tom Grant (Paul Fitzgerald), the President of K-DTV of North Hollywood, that he asked Glen Klitnick (Andrew Friedman), he could invite her to his pad. Unknowingly to Ruth, she was nothing more as some sort of “gift” to Tom Grant, once Glen left the room.

Even though Tom asked Ruth how to wrestle, it was really just an excuse to fondle her breast for example. Looking at her face, she was extremely uncomfortable, while looking at his face he was enjoying himself. Just seeing how he grabbing her and trying to put his face between her breast. Reminded me of what happened with me.

Although I told him I just wanted to make out, he thought it okay to pull down my shirt and fondle my breasts while at. I had never really known what making out at the time, only that I thought it should involved was kissing. But I didn’t even know I could decide what constituted as making out and assumed everyone knew it involved kissing.

I felt for Ruth when she escaped Glen’s house and how humiliated and confused she must have felt. Like a “why me”??? or a “I should have known better”? Unfortunately, the following day she kind of regretted running away, when it was found that  “Glow” was scheduled to be air 2 AM in the morning.

Damn…

While some how Ruth’s character annoyed me, because she was naive, but I guess she annoyed me because she reminded me of myself. I felt like Ruth, I put myself in that situation and I get upset everyday, that why did I not see that coming. Sometimes I forget the world does not have the same heart I do and will try to hide its true face. However neither me and Ruth didn’t deserve to be treated the way we did. But as you can imagine for Ruth, her dreams were reliant on someone who had the power to embolden her career, but instead it was to embolden their own ego. Then because Tom Grant didn’t get what he wanted, he punished her, which  in turn punished her fellow actresses. So not ONLY does Ruth have to deal with assault, but have to take the blame for the cancellation of her show.

Unfortunately this is what happens to assault victims…their assaulter with use some sort of means of abuse . There are many forms of abuse…according to the “Physical Violence Sexual” wheel by The National Domestic Violence Hotline:

 

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I feel that Tom Grant in the episode, used economic abuse, his male privilege, and emotional abuse to take control and get back at Ruth. This may be a fictional show, but the abuse that women underwent especially during those times in Hollywood IS real.